DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in my 50s who has been divorced twice. This might make me sound like a bad person, but I’m very nice and very conservative. I make bad choices about men.
A few years ago I met a woman with whom I became very good friends. He is happily married. She and her husband are empty nesters like me. We hang out a lot and when we do there’s a certain chemistry between the three of us.
I recently heard about the concept of a “troupe”, that is, adults agreeing to live together like any other couple, except that there are not two of them, but three of them. I wonder if my friend, her husband and I would make a good team. It’s not about rushing into things. We have known each other for several years and have built trust and harmony.
I’m afraid to talk about it because I don’t want to jeopardize our friendship. I’m also afraid of the depth of my feelings for these two people, and I think it’s mutual. I don’t like being single, I worry about dating again. What should i do? — GOODNESS FOUND IN THE WEST
DEAR FIND: Think carefully about what gives you the worst hives. After two breakups, if you risk dipping your toe into the dating pool, you have the opportunity to make wiser decisions about men in the future.
Even if the couple likes you, they may not be enthusiastic about the troupe idea. Making up what you have in mind may interfere with your relationship with one or both of them. If you haven’t found a way to casually gauge their reaction to a hypothetical “turn on” during a conversation, let me share some wisdom that has served me well: When in doubt – not!
DEAR ABBY: Our daughter’s husband is not together with the youngest child. He doesn’t hold it or play with it and barely acknowledges its existence. When our daughter learned to deal with the problem through therapy, she admitted that she did not feel anything for the child.
In fact, he doesn’t care much for their 3-year-old son. He would rather play video games than hang out with his kids or wife. As far as we know, he is not physically abusive to the children or our daughter, but he is definitely verbally abusive.
Having been abused myself, I know firsthand that verbal abuse is just as harmful as physical abuse and is sometimes a precursor to physical abuse. Is there anything we can do as grandparents, or do we have to watch these precious girls at the mercy of their father? — CONSCIOUSNESS IN TEXAS
DEAR CONSCIOUSNESS: While you can’t force your son-in-law to be a good parent or husband, you can encourage your daughter to continue therapy so that she can be brave not only for her children, but also for herself. – the same. This gives him the power to end the marriage. Until then, continue to love your grandchildren and give them the support and attention they deserve so they learn how to have good relationships.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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