Tonight’s Real Housewives of Beverly Hills really captures the tedium you experience on the last day of a group getaway, particularly in the endless shopping mall that is the Las Vegas strip. (Yes, I’ve become a full-fledged Vegas hater since BravoCon and won’t stop deriding it!)
Sutton’s hissy fit during Magic Mike Live already made this short trip a bit of a bummer. That’s not to mention that this excursion is for Crystal, who doesn’t seem to have any birthday-related megalomania, a la Stassi Schroeder, that would yield some funny conflict. Thankfully, Erika can’t help but resort to her old, confrontational self by making Sutton apologize to one of the Magic Mike performers during an awkward elevator encounter.
For the most part, though, the women spend their last day at Crockfords having monotonous banter, criticizing Sutton’s sensitivity, and questioning Kyle about her recent sobriety. However, we do learn a deeply disturbing fact about Dorit during the women’s last dinner in Sin City, which is maybe a bigger development than her marital issues with PK.
Dorit’s infamous drink order from the last two seasons—Belvedere with club soda, three lemons juiced, “carcass out,” served in a short glass—has undergone a crucial modification. I’m not sure if it was that Gawker article (that’s sadly no longer available), where nearly every bartender in New York said they had no idea what “carcass out” meant. But it seems like she’s gotten rid of this unnecessary request, either out of shame or in an effort to be more concise.
Either way, I don’t appreciate this change! Dorit’s whole thing is being wacky, over-the-top, and a faux-European. (She said she heard someone say “carcass out” once in Italy, and just went with it.) Initially, I thought it was sloppy editing. But later on, she orders her signature drink again and omits “carcass out.” So it seems like she’s officially put the phrase to bed. I’ll really miss thinking of squeezed lemons as little corpses.
But let’s get into the meat of Episode 4, which, again, isn’t really that meaty. The following day after Magic Mike Live, Crystal and Erika have lunch to rehash Sutton’s meltdown while Sutton and Garcelle go on a gondola ride to discuss Garcelle’s argument with Dorit during breakfast. (Thankfully, an overzealous gondolier interrupts this otherwise dull conversation with his loud singing.) Meanwhile, Dorit and Kyle confide in each other yet again about their crumbling marriages. Dorit finally gets Kyle to cry, as she explains that she and Mauricio are going in separate directions.
“I’m sort of now working on myself inside,” Kyle says, teary-eyed, in a confessional. “And I feel like he’s very focused on his work.” Kyle also tells Dorit how she’s sick of attending social events with Mauricio all the time. It seems like they’re both approaching their mid-life crises in different ways. Mauricio wants to be a sexier Jason Oppenheim. And Kyle wants to be Gwyneth Paltrow. I’m starting to think that Netflix is to blame for the destruction for their marriage and not Morgan Wade.
The girls meet up again for dinner where the dress code is cowgirl chic. Garcelle is wearing another outfit—heavily bleached black pants with sequin adornments on them—that’s giving me stress. When they all sit down, they start teasing Kyle for her new alcohol-free lifestyle. They also pull out yet another card game lest they have nothing to chat about.
So they get into the perennial straight-woman dinner topic of monogamy and cheating. Kyle insists that she would never stay with someone who cheated on her, despite all the infidelity rumors about Mauricio. Garcelle recounts that feisty email she sent to CAA after she discovered her husband cheated on her. (Why can’t we get this chaotic version of Garcelle on the show?)
Erika also tells the group that she feels much lighter this season now that her ex-husband’s legal troubles are behind her. Predictably, this newfound positivity doesn’t extend to Sutton. After dinner, they go to a country bar called Gilly’s where Sutton rides a mechanical bull for maybe five seconds. In a confessional, Erika jokes, “If Sutton’s bull-riding skills are anything like her dick-riding skills, no wonder she’s not getting a second date.” This is the second time on this trip that Erika’s essentially called Sutton a sexless grandma, and I’m oddly kind of loving the shadiness.
Then, the next morning, the group runs into Erika’s creative director Mikey and his boyfriend/Magic Mike Live dancer Davis while they wait for an elevator. Erika immediately morphs into last-season Erika and tells Sutton to apologize to her friends for her tantrum, which she does. Erika also tells Mikey and Davis that Sutton said the show was “shitty” and that Davis’ performance was “too over the top”—which she kind of said but not in those exact words. Regardless, the interaction is awkward. And Davis looks pissed that Sutton hijacked his big, sexy moment on Bravo.
On the party bus back to the airport, the women re-litigate Sutton’s meltdown. Crystal should technically have the most to say about this since it was for her trip. But as soon as she opens her mouth, the editors cut her off. (Will this woman get more than three sentences out per episode??) Sutton still believes that Kyle made her exit a bigger deal than it needed to be by following her. And Garcelle and Dorit argue over who should’ve followed Sutton, like two parents arguing over who’s turn it is to handle their crying newborn.
Thankfully, later on, Garcelle says she might have to stop defending Sutton, which made me want to do a cartwheel. Sorry to be a negative Nancy, but I’m not really a fan of Gracelle and Sutton as a duo. And I honestly wouldn’t mind seeing these two fall out—mostly to give Garcelle a storyline I can be invested in. I also just don’t think Sutton is useful as a friend on a show like this. Nor do I see her lasting very long unless she can truly commit to being messy without not running off and crying. Not everyone can be as hilariously fragile as Shannon Beador!
This is why I spent the last scene in the episode rolling my eyes. Sutton invites Kyle over to her house and starts criticizing her for not having her back during the elevator fiasco. For the most part, I think Kyle is a crappy friend to Sutton. But in this instance, I think Sutton should’ve either apologized to Davis and Mikey (which she did) or been able to stand in her rudeness. Regardless, though, Kyle has a history of either throwing Sutton under the bus or leaving her to fend for herself. She also enjoys implying that Sutton is mentally ill, like in this scene.
Kyle gives Sutton examples of all the times she’s lost her cool since becoming a Housewife, and we get an amazing series of flashbacks that conveniently doesn’t include Sutton’s “I don’t see color” rant. “You didn’t seem okay in Vegas,” Kyle tells her. “And you don’t seem okay right now, frankly!”
The two give each other wide-eyed stares before we end on another unnecessary “To Be Continued…” Who knows? Maybe Sutton really hits the fan after that comment or brings up Kyle’s issues with Mauricio. Hopefully, she kiboshes this useless friendship with Kyle, so we can move on.
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